Day 2: Catepillar Stage

For my writing workshop, we were given an AP. This AP is cut up into four stages, metaphorically the stages of a butterfly. This is the caterpillar stage. We're making revisions on this part, adding more or less to the piece of writing.  In this post, I made more revisions to get a clearer understanding of the poem, and also adding an explanation to what this poem/song is really about.


Original Piece:

The house without light

The coldness in my feet

I begin to think

A lay down backwards

In the bed, I pass time

Just over thinking

Like a soul with shame

I keep on waiting.

I am with a loss of love for many years now

I began as a child loving,

And growing up hating

And i’d rather call myself the ignorant one

So that I don’t look so lonely

I begin to make a list of all the bad things in my countries

In the country that adopts me, there are many people missing.

And I have so much pain

So much fury in my throat

Of this instant humanity

The one that is selfish and kills

To sing this inside, it doesn’t matter whose voice it is

There is so much to say in this world, that it doesn’t even cost me a song

I’m not really good at speaking

… or writing

These are just some crazy thoughts

Of a crazy woman who has just died in her country.

Revised piece:

The house without light
The coldness in my feet
I begin to think
I lay down backwards on the bed
I pass time
just remembering
like a soul with shame
I keep on waiting.
I am at a loss of love from the past years.
I started as a young girl loving,
and growing, I grew up hating
and I prefer to call myself the ignorant one
so that I don't look so lonely
I flow just like the river
and I just smile discretely.
The bad that has come my way
I try to hide it
and it comes out from the wounds that will soon heal
...  and I just live my life waiting
and I start to compose a list
a list of the cursed ones in my country.
In the country that adopts me.
There are other girls who are missing
And I have so much shame
so much fury in my throat.
This instant humanity
the one that's selfish, and the one that kills.
So that I can tell you this from the inside, it doesn't matter whose voice it is.
There is so much to say
that it doesn't even fit in a song.
I'm not really good at speaking... or writing
these are only delusional words
out of a crazy woman who pains for her country.


The meaning behind this poem/song:

As I said in my first blogpost for Writer's toolbox, this is about two girls in their countries. Although these countries may seem completely different in society, these girls are facing the same problems. These girls have started young, loving their country. As they grow older, they begin to realize the destruction and inhumane society that they are living in. They are the ones to speak on about the issue in their countries, which is usually not spoken about in their country because people don't think it's something to be speaking about. But these girls, these girls feel like the only way to get these emotions out would be speaking about it through a song. So I wrote this poem/song to talk about a girl like myself living in the U.S. in comparison to a girl in Chile.